english jokes

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I amdoing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby."No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"------------ Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.Your Clothes1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.---------------Preparing for the Birth1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.---------------The Layette1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?---------------Worries1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.---------------Pacifier1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.译文：在田纳西州的山林深处，山里人的妻子在半夜开始分娩， 医生被叫来帮助她分娩。 由于没有电，医生把提灯递给即将做父亲的山里人，说：“拿着， 举高点，这样我能看见自己在做什么。”很快，一个男婴诞生了。“唉，”医生说：“别急着放下提灯。我想又有一个婴儿要出生了。”的确，他在几分钟内又接生了一个女婴。“举着提灯，别放下，还有一个！”医生说。他在几分钟内又接生了第三个婴儿。“不，别急着放下提灯，好象又有一个要出生了！”医生叫道。山里人困惑地挠着头，问医生：“你估计是不是光线在吸引他们？”------------为人父母后，一切都会变。而且父母也会随着每个孩子的出生而有所改变。 有了第二和第三个孩子后，他们在某些方面与有第一个孩子时会有所不同。衣着有第一个孩子时：妇产科医生确认你怀孕后，你就开始穿孕妇的衣服。有第二个孩子时：你尽可能地穿平常的衣服。有第三个孩子时：孕妇的衣服就是你平常的衣服。---------------准备分娩有第一个孩子时：你虔诚地联系呼吸。有第二个孩子时：你根本不练习，因为你记得上一次分娩时，呼吸不起作用。有第三个孩子时：你在怀孕第八个月就要求硬膜外麻醉。---------------新生儿用品有第一个孩子时：你预先洗好新生儿的衣服，搭配好它们的颜色，并把他们叠得整整齐齐，放在孩子的小柜子里。有第二个孩子时：你做些检查，确保衣服很干净，并且只把污渍颜色最深的衣服扔掉。有第三个孩子时：男孩可以穿粉红色的，不是吗？---------------担忧有第一个孩子时：一看到有不适迹象，例如呜咽、皱眉，你就会把孩子抱起来。有第二个孩子时：当他（她）的哀号可能吵醒大孩子时，你才把他（她）抱起。有第三个孩子时：你教三岁的孩子如何重新发动机械秋千。---------------橡皮奶头有第一个孩子时：如果橡皮奶头掉到地上，你会把它放起来，直到你回家把它清洗干净并用水煮一遍。有第二个孩子时：当橡皮奶头掉到地上时，你会用孩子喝的瓶装果汁把它冲洗一下。有第三个孩子时：你会用自己的衬衫把它擦擦，然后塞回孩子嘴里。
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幽默是一种轻松的深刻，面对严肃的肤浅，深刻露出了玩世不恭的微笑。

all i ever need

All i Ever need is a person who walk with me Witout Knowing Destination,All i Ever need is a person who Love Me Without any Expectations,All i Ever need is a person who Become My Inspiration,All i Ever need is a person who Improve My Imaginations.All i Ever need is a person who Help Me to Forget Her.All i Ever need is a person who Hold My hands and wipe My Tears.
All I ever need is person who trust me blindly,All I ever need is person who cry with me Silently.
All i ever need is person who Talk to me Quietly,All i ever need is person who understand me Deeply.
All I ever need is person who Hold me Tightly,All i ever need is person who Kiss me nicely